Gunpoint Hypotheticals: If it Isn’t the Vikings, Who do you Cheer for in the NFC North?

Recently, TVG writer Cole Smith sent out this tweet:

Cole’s Tweet got me thinking. Shortly thereafter, an article series was born. It’s called Gunpoint Hypotheticals. I approach TVG’s writers and hit them with a hypothetical question, one they need to answer since they’re being held at gunpoint in this imaginary world (it’s a scary place).

The first question is similar to the one that Cole originally asked. This is what I sent to TVG’s writers in an email on Sunday night: “Roger Goodell has you at gunpoint and forces you to change your allegiance to a new NFL team. The only caveat is that it has to be an NFC North team, Vikings excluded. Who do you choose and why?” Here are their responses.

The Peckers (a.k.a. TVG writers who are looking for a demotion)

Mimir’s Head: I hate to say it, I absolutely hate to say it, but it would have to be the Packers. Yes, obviously I know how smug and annoying Aaron “Voldemort” Rodgers’s face is. I don’t know, maybe I just let Goodell pull the trigger. The Lions and Bears are just two slightly differently shaped dumpster fires and the Packers are at least a football team! I love watching Khalil Mack play but their offense and coaching staff just don’t inspire any confidence for the future. It would’ve easily been the Lions after they fired Patricia but since the Stafford trade I don’t think I can willingly choose the Goof as my QB. I’ve been a rabid Leafs fan for over a quarter-century, I think I’ve suffered enough, just let me have this one.

The Detroit Knee Biters

Nick: Picking a new NFC North team to root for sounds like choosing whether to step on rusty nails, a hot blacktop, or a pile of Legos. But if I have to I will. For me it’s not even close. Having lived in Minnesota for all of my 22 years, I simply couldn’t switch over to the dark side and root for Green Bay. My hatred is simply too strong at this point. I’m not even going to talk about Chicago, because they don’t deserve the time of day.

The Detroit Lions offer the least stressful fan life out there because you never have to expect anything out of them. Fans also get the fun of a top 10 draft pick almost every year. Lastly, every decade or so, you draft the greatest player at their respective position. While that may not do much as far as winning, it still offers some form of entertainment.

I also want to be in a fanbase where the fans are just as loyal to my new team as I am toward the Vikings. The Lions fit that bill almost perfectly.

Cole: If I had to change allegiances to another team in the NFC North, it’d have to be the Detroit Lions. There is no way I could become a frontrunner fan with the Packers, and the Bears still have the 85 team that stands the test of time. With the Lions, I’d still be a fan of a team that has never won it all, making it that much sweeter if/when they ever break through. They also are equipped with several first round picks the next few years following the Jared Goff– Matt Stafford trade, and with Aaron Rodgers’ future in Green Bay growing murkier each NFC Championship loss, the Lions could be nipping at the Packers’ heels (and kneecaps) in the next few seasons.

Yours Truly: I’m going with the Lions, people. Look, I get it. The team is a disaster, and there really hasn’t been a time when we could say they haven’t been disastrous. If the Detroit Knee Biters name doesn’t take hold (I’m doing all I can to make it a thing, but I can’t carry this burden all by my lonesome), then Detroit Disasters should get serious consideration.

The Peckers simply aren’t an option. That means the other choice is Da Bears. In many ways, I can respect Chicago. They have a history of playing the game the right way; a tough, physical defense has been among their defining characteristics for a long time. Be that as it may, I just can’t go somewhere where the QB situation is somehow worse than in Minnesota. I won’t do it.

That leaves me with the toothless Lions. I already cheer for the Red Wings, so hopefully it’s an easy transition. Go Detroit!

Da Bears

Whoever said one is the loneliest number obviously never participated in the first ever TVG Gunpoint Hypothetical. No one picked the Bears. In all likelihood, this saddens Mitch Trubisky. Won’t someone think of Trubisky!

Have an opinion? Let us hear about it in the comments. If you were forced, who would you choose as your team: the Lions, Bears, or Peckers?

Share: